Balancing the Books
by Amilyi
Summary: In the fledgeling days of 'Akatsuki', finance is unbalanced. To keep the organisation afloat, Kakuzu finds himself dragging his latest partner across the Earth country to accumulate funds. His latest partner Hidan is little impressed.
1. Prologue

A/N: This is the first time I am writing something immersed in Japanese culture; it is quite likely that I have made mistakes. I don't mind suggestions for replacement lexicon so if you think something needs to be changed (i.e. terminology, names, etc.), tell me.

Thank you for your time and please enjoy.

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--Prologue-- 

The figures added up: it was just that he disliked the numbers. Kakuzu cycled through the maths again, hoping that he had made some sort of mistake. _Plus seven, carry the three, add on the one… _No, he had been right the first time: the organisation was still over forty-two thousand yen in debt. How long had '_Akatsuki_' been in financial crisis for? Three, maybe four seasons? Sasori had already been complaining that his spies had been underpaid this month; although the wily puppeteer had diverted resources to his more useful informants, it would not be long before even the grunts of the organisation could see that there was a cash-flow crisis._ It's that damned partner of his, Deidara!_ Kakuzu considered. _His plastic explosives don't come cheap and that idiot gets through a satchel a day whether needs require or not._ As much as Kakuzu would have loved to blame all of his problems on the younger man (and end all those problems with a single killing blow), he knew that the 'artist' was not the only money-hole in the establishment, and at least his budget was not spent on luxuries: Kisame and Itachi's budget fell through their fingers like water through a drain… and not a clogged one, either. If drastic action was not taken soon, Pein would find his fledgling organisation plummeting on broken wings. Oh yes… words would _definitely_ be exchanged.

Closing his eyes to banish the anxiety-inducing figures, he tucked the ledger and pencil-case back into the pocket in his coat's lining. Pein would allow him to pursue his bounty-hunting interests when he realised how severe the situation had become. Kakuzu loved the search, the _pursuit_, the battle and the inevitable life-taking that led to his financial reward. Convincing his apparently 'poverty-orientated' partner of the importance of their newly prioritised goal, though, would be a decided challenge. At least _his_ partner was low maintenance – although that was, in Kakuzu's frustration-contorted opinion, his _only_ virtue.

"Get up, Hidan," The Waterfall ninja pressed his hands against the rock he was sitting on and rose himself. "It's been half an hour already."

Hidan lay on the ground, his hands surrounding the black pike currently stuck through his heart. His eyes were closed; his lips were pursed into an exultant smile that was ignorant of the imposing black clouds and heavy humidity that had rolled over them since the beginning of his ritual.

"I'll be ready when I'm ready," the Jashinist replied, ennui and drowsiness seeping from his syllables. The soot sky above crackled, threatening heavy rain. It took two paces for Kakuzu to move from his sitting-spot to Hidan, and one abrupt moment to wrench the pike from his partner's chest. Hidan exposed his fuchsia glare, his nose scrunching in disdain.

"You're ready." Without intention, Kakuzu had moved the tip of the weapon to Hidan's brow. Now, he considered plunging the object between Hidan's eyes… for all the good it would _not_ do him. Perhaps _this time_, he would get lucky – perhaps _this time_, he would hit some kind of nerve cluster inside the idiot's skull that would mitigate his jabbering – or better yet, actually _kill_ him. _Wishful thinking._ Kakuzu threw the object away in contempt, showing his back to his comrade and walking away.

"Hey, hey, hey! Why are you going in that direction? I thought we were meant to be keeping _away_ from towns!"

"We need money."

"I thought you had a hundred yen left." Hidan shifted into a sitting position.

"I don't need the money: Akatsuki does."

"Let Zetsu deal with it: he's best suited to infiltration anyway: that damn bastard could rob all the banks in a single country in a night and no one would know until morning!" Kakuzu did not feel like explaining to Hidan that, while the loner schizophrenic could indeed complete such a heist, the attention it would garner would not be advantageous. Bounty-hunting was one source of relatively quick, high rewards. Also, Kakuzu was feeling in the right mood for a kill.

"Hey! Did you even hear a word I just said! Hey! Kakuzu, hey! I'm not done yet!" Kakuzu could tell that it was going to be an especially 'average' day, and when Zetsu found out what he was up to, it would probably become even more so.

--End of Prologue--

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	2. Receiving a Mission

Kakuzu and Hidan moved as blurs through the Earth country's southern forests. The bounty they were tracking had become aware of their presence and had taken speedy measures to ensure his survival; Kakuzu knew that this situation would mean more time consumed than had initially been necessary… but somehow, some part of him preferred it this way. Hidan's three-sickle scythe glanced past his side, splitting through the rain that poured through the budding spring canopy. The weapon shot down to the forest floor, skimming the target's head before coming to a stop in a pile of mulched leaves. The bounty kept moving, speed increasing from a new appreciation of how close his death was. Hidan wrenched on the rope connecting his weapon to his will, his pace slowing behind Kakuzu's while he reclaimed it and examined it for blood traces. Kakuzu knew that his partner had found none: he would have stopped to perform his ritual already if he had. The waterfall-nin could see the twenty-two-thousand-yen head within sight, rushing through the undergrowth to escape the reach of his threads. Financial stability was not so very far away – if only it would _stop running_ from him!

The tree up ahead began to sprout a bulbous growth, lengthening and extending into the familiar shape of a certain missing Grass-nin. The fly-trap began to open, exposing the scorn on Zetsu's face. Kakuzu did not have time to stop now – not with the chase in its penultimate stage. He kicked off the next branch without slowing, his eyes latching onto the gold orbs in the monochrome face. The moment passed as quickly as a flickering shadow and Kakuzu was gone.

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"_**Explain to me why you are two kilometres away from our specified meeting spot.**_"

"It's Kakuzu's damn fault, so stop looking at me like that." Hidan turned his rosary over and over in his hands, feeling over the impression of the pictogram. Zetsu recognised the alacrity of his actions as impatience, his eyes flashing in the direction Kakuzu had gone.

"_I have a new assignment for the both of you: we have a client requiring your services,_" the 'lighter' part of Zetsu's personality continued. "_Two days north-east of here, there is a daimyo interested in employing Akatsuki's services: go to Lord Fujimi Akiyama and complete his contract._" Zetsu handed Hidan a scroll and waited for him to read it.

"Hey, aren't Sasori and Deidara closer to this place? I thought that they were further up north than us." His eyes kept scanning the words, pausing and widening with delight when they came upon the paragraph describing the mission.

"_Their time is already occupied.__** You are expected there by the lord before sundown in two days' time. Do not disappoint your comrades.**_" Zetsu's body began to meld back into the ground once again, but Hidan was not willing to let the spy go without one last disparaging remark.

"Yeah, yeah – it's Kakuzu you wanna be tellin' this to, not me! You see him here? No, 'cause he's gone running off after his money!" Hidan was not sure if the other ninja had heard all of his rant: Zetsu had merged fully with nature before he had finished his last sentence. No matter: his irritation could still be spent on Kakuzu… wherever his partner had got to.

"Back already?" Hidan concentrated on his beads, his thumb rolling from one to the next. He did not need to look up – he knew the substantial footfalls of his undesired partner by now.

"This one wasn't much trouble once he ran out of fuel." The newly-made corpse dropped from his shoulder, momentarily disturbing the foliage before settling into a slumped position.

"…If you think I'm going to carry that, you'd better think again."

"You should share the burden."

"You killed him, you carry him. Besides, you put a great big hole in his front and I don't want to get his blood or his stink on me." The answer was expected; Kakuzu would not waste his breath or strength on convincing Hidan over such a petty matter.

"What did Zetsu want?"

"Oh, so you didn't hear any of it? Apparently, we've got ourselves a mission." The silver-haired Jashinist handed him Zetsu's orders. Kakuzu snatched it from his outstretched hand and proceeded to peruse its contents.

"Hmmm, it looks as if our leader has some understanding of our financial situation after all." Hidan watched as Kakuzu's eyes locked into place, reading and re-reading the same sentence over and over again. His eyes narrowed and a rumble of consternation escaped his throat. "I can't get him to the bounty office in time," the larger man prodded the body at his ankles with a foot.

"Then leave him and go after this other target. It's worth more, isn't it?"

"'Akatsuki' can't afford to leave a bounty – even one as small as his – alone!"

"It's not my damn problem – see if I care! Well, speak to Zetsu at our next meeting time, or aren't we going to be passing Sasori and Deidara? You know, if you weren't all such godless heathens, Jashin would provide you with everything you need. I mean, look at me! All I do is sacrifice a few hundred people in his name every month – a target that you could reach just as easily, Kakuzu – and in return, I…" _Maybe they can cash this for us,_ Kakuzu thought, ignoring his partner's babble.

Kakuzu and Hidan had not been partners for very long – four months at the most – but they had already settled into a muddled pattern of mutual antipathy for one another. When Hidan did something unsociable, Kakuzu ignored him.

"…glorious moment of dying…" When Kakuzu did something unpleasant, Hidan harangued him and Kakuzu disregarded him until his short patience could take no more and he tore Hidan to pieces. Unfortunately, unlike his other partners, this one kept _surviving_. "…soul redeemed or ripped to bloody shreds…" It was an annoying habit, but although Kakuzu would never admit it, he was contented that at least part of his life was unchanging.

"Let's get going." His white-pupils glimmered and reflected the falling rain. He pulled the corpse up by the hair without taking his eyes from his partner. "I want to get rid of this thing before it starts to decompose." Hidan juddered, remembering no less than three occasions already when he had been in the presence of the ghoulish ninja and the reeking, deteriorating state of his 'pastime': Hidan preferred the silent company of carcasses, but the flesh did not last long without life to maintain it. Deidara could make creatures that flew, could he not? It would be a faster mode of transport for delivering that thing to its final destination, at least. Kakuzu would be a lot less unhappy once they found the sculptor and the puppeteer.

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A/N: You can help me out here: if the original names or terminology are wildly inaccurate compared to what Japanese society would have, PM me with suggestions. Also, can someone tell me the Japanese name for the 'Earth' country and the Hidden Rock Village? Thanks to anyone who replies. 


	3. Delays

A/N: Thanks to all who replied giving me the names for Earth country and the 'Village Hidden in Rocks': the names will be used later in the story.

This is another setting-the-scene chapter with a bit of character exposition - nothing major to the story line - so you can merrily skip this if you want.

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--Chapter 2-- 

"Stop rattling it about; you'll damage it!" Deidara ignored the instructions of his sempai and continued to tilt their entrusted package from side to side. "I warn you, Deidara…" Undeterred by his partner's tone, Deidara examined the strange box more closely, peering in at the cardboard's edges to see if he could make out the contents inside. He picked up a kunai. "And what do you think you're going to do with that?"

"Relax, I only want a little look, hmm." The tip of the blade moved closer to one of the box's eight corners, the sculptor's left eye narrowing with concentration. Hiruko's tail thrust toward his face. Deidara fell onto his side, feeling the poisoned razors skimming through his hair. "Alright! Alright! I'll leave it alone, hmm!" To prove entirely that the blond had missed the point of his sempai's reaction, he threw the object at the puppet's body. Sasori used his chakra strings to catch the box with the tail. His show of skill came from years of experience that Deidara had yet to gain.

"You _idiot_! Do you want this to arrive in one piece? Or would you prefer that we did not receive the rest of our payment, despite completing the job?"

"Well, I don't want to touch it now that your poisoned blades have, hmm. If it is such a delicate item, our employers should have made sure to package it properly, hmm. What is it, anyway?"

"Something old; I know that much – something you have _little_ appreciation for!"

"Huh." With his hands now unoccupied, the missing Rock-nin turned his attention to his bags of clay and began designing new creatures. Whilst size was usually a factor in the function of Deidara's creations, he had been playing on the small-scale lately – a dramatic change from his favourite dragon-like creations. Sasori opened up Hiruko's shell and tucked the package inside with his own body. An exhalation from the nearby bushes alerted the missing Sand-nin to another presence.

"You're late." Sasori despised tardiness, _and_ wasting other people's time. The glinting eyes and the thin, grim mouth did not look apologetic in the least.

"_Kakuzu and Hidan decided not to follow protocol again_," Zetsu stated in a tone lacking all but the driest emotion.

"The rag doll has been leading the voodoo doll on hunts again, has he? Well, as long as they don't involve me, I don't care what they get up to." Hiruko's tail flickered: Sasori had made the controlling hand gesture almost absentmindedly – something he used to show irritation, for Kakuzu and his new partner had indeed involved him by wasting his time from waiting. "Well, what do you want? We need to get moving again if we are to complete this petty mission on time."

"_**I doubt it was petty considering the money that was offered to deliver it.**__ You have encountered any setbacks?_"

"Nothing that couldn't be easily taken care of." Hiruko's tail flicked again, the slick poison glinting in the dim sunlight.

Deidara watched their conversation from the distance, his attention split between his sempai's barbed discourse and analysing the effectiveness of his exploding creatures. Deidara had known for a long while now that Sasori resented Zetsu, believing that he was only a part of the Akatsuki for his ability to merge with nature and travel over long distances in near instantaneity. Deidara had to admit, the only talents that he had seen Zetsu use were his transport ability and… his knack at 'removing' corpses from the chances of enemy examination. Both missing Sand-nin and missing Grass-nin had spy networks that had contributed greatly to Akatsuki's goals, but Deidara could not help but silently side with his sempai when it came to arguments between the two of them.

"Is there anything else? Or can we continue our mission in peace?"

"Hey, Zetsu-san," Deidara spoke up, knowing that it was probably unwise to come between the two of them. "I was just wondering: since you can travel over long distances so quickly, why don't you take this package for us and we can move on to our next assignment, hmm?"

"Yes, Zetsu, you could take the package for us!" Sasori's intonations held the sly implications that Zetsu was incompetent; the plant-like ninja did not rise to meet the challenge.

"_**My time is dedicated elsewhere**_."

"Then we will leave you to get on." Sasori disconnected eyes with Zetsu and began to move away.

"_Kakuzu and Hidan are coming up this way. They will have a bounty with them and most likely you will be required to take it from them._"

"Why can't _they_ do both?"

"_**Their latest task takes them in the opposite direction, but you will be able to accommodate the situation**__. If you take the trail following the old riverbed, you should meet them this time tomorrow, depending upon how fast you travel._" Sasori wanted to turn down Zetsu's directions, but if he wanted to pay all of his spies this month, he had little choice.

"Fine! We'll take care of it!"

"_I will see you all tomorrow, then_."

"Goodbye Zetsu, hmm." The missing Grass-nin disappeared without another word.

"Get up, Deidara: it's time to move again."

"Already? But we only started resting, hmm!"

"Then I hope you've left yourself enough clay to make some sort of transport." Sasori began to move along his set path knowing that Deidara would catch him up soon enough. It would be a good thing for the blond ninja to keep his distance from his partner; Zetsu had rattled his mood. The rains in the south could be seen in the distance, shimmering against the back-drop of mountains and cinder-coloured sky. Somewhere within that tumbling water, Kakuzu was searching for them to entrust his bounty to the pair.

--End of Chapter 2--

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A/N: Edited ending (only two words changed) to avoid repetition. 


	4. To Give & Take Advice

A/N: Season's Greetings to all - here is an extended chapter to tide you over for a while. The more I write for this story, the more I realise that there is not going to be any truly coherent plot and it will mainly be character focussed: consider yourselves warned if you are thinking of staying with this fic until the very end.

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--Chapter 3--

"We'll rest here tonight." Kakuzu dropped his prize, taking only enough care to make sure the face was undamaged. It was another small clearing away from the main travelling routes so that they would not receive too much unwanted attention. A rocky outcrop provided them with their only vantage point and shelter from the downpour. Another day had passed since they had first received their instructions from Zetsu: by mid-morning tomorrow, he and Hidan would be at the daimyo's estate.

"Another rainy location," Hidan growled.

"There's a drier patch further up ahead – all we have to do is walk for another three hours and go within three miles of Iwagakure," Kakuzu deadpanned.

"Yeah, yeah – fine! Whatever!" The silver-haired man threw down his scythe and slouched on a rock. "I hope this mission's going to be worth our time and effort! I mean, seriously, I haven't even been able to actually show off my skills yet!" He brushed a hand through his slicked-back hair, moving into place what the rain had disturbed. Kakuzu was already sitting beneath the natural shelter, examining his map of the area. He had purposely put the deteriorating bounty between himself and his partner, knowing that the other man would avoid approaching it too closely. For someone who regularly stabbed himself through the heart, he was surprisingly squeamish over germs and diseases. "So where are we going tomorrow, then?"

"We still need to meet up with the artists."

"Sasori and Deidara?"

"We will keep to our route: they should be travelling along that same path."

"'_They'_ are already here." Kakuzu lifted his head from the paper momentarily to find Hiruko standing at the edge of the clearing. Deidara was hovering above on one of his clay creations.

"You look tired," Kakuzu noted.

"We would have paced ourselves better, but for some reason, Zetsu was late yesterday and we had to wait around the meeting point; it put us back by a few hours. I wonder _who_ could have kept him…" Hiruko's tail flickered. Hidan kept smiling conceitedly between the missing Sand-nin and his own partner. Kakuzu was not going to play at subtleties.

"That little inconvenience will prevent a larger inconvenience later on." The stitched man's eyes slowly lifted from the piece of paper, defiance and obstinacy marked in his pupils and brows. "Or would you prefer that we did not take every opportunity to raise the funds to pay your subordinates?" The tail of Sasori's puppet arched in front of both Kakuzu's and Hidan's faces, rattling less than a centimetre away from their cheeks and making a showy display that he was unsatisfied.

"As long as you do not inconvenience _me_, I don't care how you waste your immortality!" Kakuzu stood to 'greet' Sasori.

'_Immortality_' – there was that word again: the one that Kakuzu did not believe in. He could not believe in something so complicated as a life lasting forever – everything was created, changed and destroyed in its existence: only the very simplest, very smallest parts that created the fabric of what he insignificantly knew stood any chance of remaining – unchanged – to the very end. All that anyone could ever do was use their talents to extend their transitory stay. However, it also increased the chances of an unpleasant end.

"Hey, sempai; we don't want to fight now, do we, hmm?" Deidara smiled down at them from his clay bird. He appeared to be drifting midway between landing and distancing himself for a battle.

"Hmph!" Hiruko moved between Hidan and Kakuzu, completely unabated by their readiness to fight. With one disinterested look, he wrapped his train of blades around the bounty and threw it at Deidara. The missing Rock-nin caught the corpse with his bird's tail and settled onto the ground. "So how much do we need to make to break even this month?" The question was addressed at Akatsuki's 'treasurer'.

"Forty-two thousand to clear the debts." Kakuzu and Hidan went back to sitting down: the younger partner's expression soured when the money-talk began and the chances of violence were waning. "To pay the rest of the expenses by the end of the month, we need another thirty thousand yen on top of that – as long as no more sudden expenses are added on top of that. That bounty that I took care in preserving is worth twenty-two thousand; make sure nothing happens to him – if he is unrecognisable, he is worth nothing." Deidara landed and the body began disappearing into the clay. He watched Kakuzu visibly tense: it was obvious he was unsure whether being absorbed into the explosive body would make it less prone to damage or even more so.

"Relax Kakuzu: I'll take good care of it, hmm." Kakuzu sunk back down but watched to the very end the vanishing of his twenty-two thousand yen reward until not a fingertip or toe was left in sight.

"Show me where this bounty collection point is, then," Sasori demanded.

Hidan flipped between the pages of his religious text, the _Kakuremichi_. He had read every word on every page and had memorised the passages that seemed the most poignant to his life. Hidan would ream them off at his partner in the hopes that he would see the error of his ways and follow Jashin but as of now, Kakuzu had yet to turn. Tonight though, it seemed as though they would have company, so Hidan settled his attention between his religion and heckling the only Akatsuki member not currently busy: Deidara.

"Hey, Dei-_chan_, how are your missions going?" Deidara looked at him sideways but said nothing, tiredly removing clay from his bags and carrying on the exercises from the day before. The creatures were tinier than last time and the explosions less extreme: the blond was working on a small-scale, size-to-damage ratio to avoid making themselves easier to detect. Hidan barely noticed the slow in Kakuzu's words when the missing Falls-nin's attention moved from Sasori to Deidara. The clay machinations exploded one after the other with an amusing 'pop'. A collection of little flea-like creatures jumped about all over the place and burst one by one, until Hidan lost count of how many had been created and how many no longer functioned. The Jashinist watched for a while, lulled into the repetitiveness of the process before he spoke again. "So what's it feel like to finally return to your home-country? I suppose it must feel rather depressing – to wander the world for more than a year only to find yourself back where you started without any change? Other than becoming a little older and a little more feminine." Hidan pointed at Deidara's slender hips. Hidan's victim turned away.

"But-"

"-Had your sorry idolatrous ass found a higher purpose like I have – a higher state of _existence_ – then perhaps it would not have all been wasted."

"Hey! I-"

"It's alright, Deidara: Jashin can still forgive you, if you repent and submit to him _now_…" Hidan grinned and blinked a few times, as if slowly batting his eyelids at the other ninja. Deidara's face contorted with disgust, his facial mouth turning into a toothy sneer. What was to best policy for dealing with idiots? Ignore them? That rarely worked but without disturbing his sempai, he had very little choice.

His fingers stroked over the mouths in the palms of his hands, the left tongue sticking out to warn him it was dry. Without a second thought, Deidara laced his fingers together, pressing skin against skin and allowing the wetter tongue to run over the other to give it more moisture.

"Ew! What are you _doing_? Seriously, that's just disgusting!" Deidara smirked at the revolted religious man.

"Really? Is it any worse than you sticking that pike through yourself and bleeding all over the place for your rituals, hmm?"

"At least mine serves a higher purpose! You're only doing it out of self-satisfaction!"

"I need to lubricate this hand if I want to continue my sculptures, hmm!"

"You could stop making sculptures, Deidara," Kakuzu interjected between their vicious banter. Deidara kept his hands together, looking down at Kakuzu and his mentor. Hiruko's eyes moved back and forth between the missing Rock-nin and Kakuzu, quietly awaiting the outcome.

"Yeah, but I need to practice, hmm." Deidara pulled apart his hands; a small string of saliva ran between the palms before being broken by a raindrop. Hidan snickered and glanced at his masked partner: the explosives artist had completely missed the stitched man's demand.

Threads flew at Deidara's body. He evaded the first attack – he was used to assaults from his sempai. Yet he had not been prepared for the tendrils that enveloped his entire body, pulling him apart and squeezing the air from his lungs.

"Kakuz- hgnrk!"

"Nine-hundred yen," Kakuzu growled, bringing Deidara closer to his face so that he could see the incensement in his eyes. Unfortunately for the missing Rock-nin, he could also smell what the other had eaten recently. "That's how much money you just wasted in the past _five_ minutes! You are aware that the organisation is in financial crisis, aren't you? Do you really think that you are exempt from this trouble?" Although Deidara had not purposefully been trying to 'bring about the downfall of Akatsuki' as Kakuzu seemed to be suggesting, he would have very much liked to have damaged the organisation that he had been forced into.

Kakuzu did not know Deidara's past, and thought that the contempt on the other man's face was for him.

"Be careful that I don't decide to put an _end_ to one of Akatsuki's money voids." The threads tightened around his neck. "Do you understand?" Deidara barely managed a nod, considering the way that his body was being held and his tunnelling consciousness. Kakuzu loosened his grip. Deidara slumped back onto his bird, hair falling in front of his face as he swayed from sided to side.

"Ha-ha! Hey, Deidara! Are you contributing _anything_ to this organisation?" The blond lifted his hair from his eyes and glowered. "I wonder what your old friends would think of you now! Have you seen any?" Strangely, the missing Rock-nin smirked at this and lifted a hand to his face.

"Katsu!" A tree behind Hidan exploded. Kakuzu and Sasori tensed.

"Shit!" Blood sprayed down onto the silver-haired Jashinist, coating his body in a thin red layer. The broken mask of a missing-nin hunter bounced and smouldered before finally coming to rest on the ground.

"They've come visiting, hmm!"

"The fuck is this? Blood? I only washed two hours ago! It's all over my _Kakuremichi_, you bastard! This isn't funny!" Deidara shrugged to show his apathy. Sasori thought it best to change the subject before his kōhai started another argument with the two immortals.

"Where are you heading for your next mission?"

"To a Lord Fujimi Akiyama," Hidan responded despite the question not being addressed to him. "We have to take care of a little war-band that's forming near his territory."

"Oh? Lord Akiyama, hmm? You want to be careful with _him_." Three Akatsuki turned as one to look at missing-nin of Iwagakure.

"Why?" Kakuzu asked. Deidara could not help but feel warm satisfaction: Zetsu – and even his master Sasori – had obviously not given them any information on the daimyo.

"He's never had a good reputation; even when I was back in Iwagakure he was suspected of dealing with outlaws… but his actions draw in law-enforcers and not all of them are in plain sight, hmm. Make sure that you are not becoming a couple of scapegoats for him, hmm. If you even receive payment once the mission is through, make sure it is not counterfeit. If it isn't, then he'll have something worse planned for you, hmm."

"Didn't Zetsu give you this information?"

"No, Sasori: he did not."

"C'mon! You seriously think that this guy is going to be that big of a problem for us?" Hidan spread his arms wide in a mocking gesture.

"Last thing I heard, Iwa no longer does business with him or any of his associates, so many of their ninjas have 'failed' their missions for him. Some were even rumoured to be Jounin-level tasks, hmm."

"What is this? The Iwagakure equivalent of a ghost story? Show me the facts!"

"It pays to be careful, Hidan," Kakuzu replied at the same time that Sasori scorned him with a similar phrase.

"One more thing, hmm," Deidara added, making sure that he had their complete attention. "The Akiyama family is quite large, with many branch families. Your mission will most likely involve some kind of internal rivalry, hmm."

"Anything else you can tell us?"

"That's all I can remember, hmm."

"Then we'll be off, Deidara: that hunter-nin you killed might cause others to come looking." Sasori walked to the other side of the rocky outcrop. "Move it! That corpse isn't getting any fresher!"

"Hai, Sasori-danna." The clay bird lifted into the air.

"See you soon!" Hidan leaned back and waved them away. Neither of the other Akatsuki team responded.

"Hidan! We need to move."

"What? But I want to rest!" Kakuzu growled, picking up the map and stalking out of sight without saying a word.

"Alright! Give me a minute! Damn, this rain is washing the blood down my neck! This is really going to itch once it starts congealing. Hey, Kakuzu! I can't meet a lord looking like this!" Hidan picked up his scythe and paced in the direction of his partner, refusing to be made to run after the other man. "Kakuzu, you bastard! You'd better not be trying to lose me!" Kakuzu doubted he would ever lose his Jashinist partner, no matter how much he desired it.

--End of Chapter 3--

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A/N: '_Kakuremichi_' (Hidden Path) is not the official name given to the religious book of the Jashin faith: I'm taking liberties here, and whenever I do, I'll tell you so in the author's notes. I wish Kishimoto had given more background on these characters, e.g. age, personal habits, a little more background history, etc – especially the name of Hidan's village. What is there however, although not blatant, is very strong.

It's a shame that Kakuzu and Hidan were only around for a few chapters, but I suppose that way their forceful personalities did not outwear their welcome. I hope they have an extended stay in the anime.


	5. The Village of Arikoji

A/N: Thank you to all reviewers so far, but please only leave messages longer than twenty words: I like to know _your_ opinions about the story, and you can't show what you really think with a sentence.

I'm putting up a poll to give Hidan's village a name for this story - see my profile for options.

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--Chapter 4--

"So where are we now?"

"I've already told you, Hidan; this is Arikoji, the village of our contractor."

"Uh-huh." Hidan stood slightly in front of Kakuzu and as he scratched at his thigh, little red flakes fell onto the floor.

"Haven't you removed all of that blood yet? You've had long enough!"

"I can't get it out! Seriously, is there a launderette around here or something?" The Waterfall-nin narrowed his eyes at his Jashinist partner, imagining him sitting shirtless in front of washing machines, surrounded by ogling housewives as he obliviously read his _Kakuremichi_. Kakuzu did not bother replying. "So what now?"

"We go straight to the daimyo's manor." They should not keep their contractor waiting longer than necessary. Both of them removed their village head-protectors, knowing that their crossed-out sigils could cause agitation among locals.

Thankfully, the rain had stopped and light pushed its way through the cloud-blankets. Fields of farmland rippled in the zephyrs carried from the western sea which rose onward into the distant purple mountains. On the other side of the walled village, beyond the winding paths and security-gates, a grand mansion oversaw the workings of Arikoji's modest population.

Kakuzu moved through the milling crowds along the market street as if there was no one there. Indeed, the space around him was empty of all but Hidan, as most found his masked presence intimidating. There were always a few attracted by Hidan's appearance though; they were endeavouring to touch the silver-haired male and occasionally bumped into Kakuzu by accident. For that, he resented his partner just a little more. Hidan was yet again babbling on about his unclean appearance and his god and how Akatsuki seemed to be going nowhere and he hoped it _did_ fail; the same topics kept cycling round endlessly. Yet while Hidan seemed preoccupied with his own problems, Kakuzu took note of his surroundings and Arikoji's telling history.

The outer walls were old but still stable: the creeping vines that partially covered places had not caused the rock to crumble away. He had noticed some of the buildings on the edge of town were derelict; others were succumbing to collapse. However, the gate-houses did not fit in with the surrounding architecture: they were too new._ Made within the last decade,_ Kakuzu thought, inspecting the painted posts for moss and wear as he passed. The awaiting guards studied the Akatsuki team but decided not to confront, instead sending a messenger running to the next guard post. Kakuzu was not bothered by this in the slightest. So it seemed that Arikoji was a long-established village that had seen better days and had, in fact, at one point been a town. There were few large trading posts this far in this direction from Iwagakure and Earth country's capital city and the place was slightly behind the times. The new checkpoints, however, meant that the village's latest ruler had a strong penchant for security; what he had done to deserve so much… the irascible titan had yet to discover.

"Something wrong, Kakuzu?"

"Not yet." Hidan did not utter another word during their climb to the next check-point. Before, the guards had been wearing little more than padded garments and helmets. This gate, however, had armoured men with katanas and bows. They were definitely waiting for their approach.

"There's only housing beyond this point," one guard said to them. "If you need goods or a place to stay, head back to the main village road."

"Thank you, but we have business with Lord Fujimi: he sent for us." Kakuzu pulled the mission scroll from inside his cloak and presented it to the guardian. When he saw the official chop, he checked over the document again and handed it back to the missing Waterfall-nin with little more than a shrug.

"Lord Fujimi is not currently in residence and I cannot allow you to proceed any further. Please come back later today."

"We're expected; we should wait for the lord at his manor – after requesting us, it would only be hospitable of him to do so." As Kakuzu talked, the guard who appeared to be in charge eyed Hidan and his scythe suspiciously: the fool was still scratching at his cloak and flecks of brownish red dropped onto the path.

"Be that as it may, sir, Lord Fujimi does not allow guests to enter his grounds without his presence. He will return later today and so I suggest trying again in a couple of hours." Kakuzu's monochrome eyes flickered from the guard to the next gate-house and the mansion beyond. This had not been quite what he expected, but the situation could still be used to his advantage.

"If your daimyo returns, tell him that we are in the village and intend to meet with him before dusk." They bowed to each other and Kakuzu began the descent back to the village.

"So what are you going to do for the next few hours, then?"

"Ask questions: I want to find out more about this lord from the locals. What are your intentions? If you want to sacrifice someone, go look for bandits in the woods but don't cause any fuss in the village." Kakuzu would have asked Hidan to use his good looks and… what charm he _did_ have to information-gather with him, but he knew that with his lack of thought and general disinterest in people, he would more likely be a hindrance.

"Yeah, yeah…" Hidan pulled and shifted the top part of his cloak: the blood that Deidara had splayed was obviously still annoying him. "Hey, Kakuzu, spare me a few coins, could you?"

"I thought you saw money as useless and cumbersome."

"I do, but this isn't going to wash itself! I'm surprised the damn rain hasn't washed it all out." He began to fully undo his outer clothing.

"Find your source of capital elsewhere; I have none to spare on you."

"Tch! Bastard!" The bare-chested Jashinist said to his partner's withdrawing back. "Fine! I'll get this done some other way!"

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Although Kakuzu had no money to 'spare' on Hidan, the missing Falls-nin stopped at a tea-house and bought himself some lunch. The shop-owner's daughter brought over his meal, smiling sweetly as she laid it out in front of him. Most people found the stitched-man's appearance to be intimidating, yet there were a few that ignored stereotyping (and usually, common sense) in the belief that judging by appearances meant jumping to ill-conceived conclusions. In Kakuzu's case though, he was everything he seemed.

"Enjoy your meal, sir!" The waitress pushed her blue fringe from her eyes.

"I have some questions I want to ask." From his clothing and accent, it was obvious that he was not a countryman. She looked around to make sure she was unneeded before sitting down opposite him and lacing her hands under her chin.

"Ask away!"

"What are the latest local events? What are the local politics?"

"Umm… well, there's been a drought over the last half a year so the rain's welcome, but food costs have risen and some of the shops have shut up because goods aren't getting through on the roads."

"Why not?"

"Bandits. There are lots of rumours about those – some say it's an ex-employee of the lord causing a ruckus, other's say it's an actual relation of Lord Fujimi Akiyama himself but most believe that it's actually a gang of thieves that another local lord is paying to destroy the village to take over the land himself." Kakuzu sat back and folded his arms. The situation seemed suspiciously like the mission's profile and he hoped that he had been sent to take care of more than just a few thieves in the wilderness. "Anything else?"

"Uuuh… just a few minor disputes about land, but they've been going on for years. The village has been trying to expand, get in a new library and bring in some families that aren't merchants or farmers. Other than that, there's the ongoing effort to marry off the Akiyamas' daughter and restore trade-links and relations with Iwagakure, but I don't know much about those." Kakuzu pulled down his mask and began to bite into his onigiri. He lifted his gaze long enough to glare at the girl, still sitting there and staring at his stitches intently. "Oh! Sorry! If there's anything more you want to ask, feel free! See you later!" She pushed her chair in and walked away. Apart from the occasional look, Kakuzu ate his meal in relative composure; it was weeks since he had last known a quiet meal, completely Hidan-less. Thunder clapped overhead and the Akatsuki member knew that it would not be long before there was another downpour. No doubt they would be setting out into a storm quite soon, but as long as he was paid at the end of his mission, he would do what was asked._ I wonder whether Deidara and Sasori have cashed that bounty in yet…_ He left without leaving any tip.

--End of Chapter 4--

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	6. Fujimi Akiyama's Welcome

A/N. More votes on the poll, please: I can't call it just yet.

In this fan-fic I describe Kakuzu as having 'silver' eyes. I know that in coloured canon they are green, but this has turned out to be my preference for this story.

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--Chapter 5-- 

No matter how carefully Kakuzu walked, the rain-pummelled village streets still found a way to slip in between his toes, the mud turning into irritating dirt as it dried. The daimyo had better be accommodating when he and Hidan arrived… although if he was not, there was little the missing Waterfalls-nin could do in retaliation if he wanted to see payment.

"Hi, Kakuzu." The stitched-man's partner appeared by his side, looking and smelling cleaner than he had been two hours before.

"I see you found some hapless fool to clean your clothes for you," he growled, knowing that in comparison he now looked as if he did not care about his appearance. "How you manage to live without money is beyond me." Kakuzu loved the financial system – he learned all its rules and loop-holes, gathering all scraps of knowledge to discover how to control it to his advantage. Whether it was society or nature, there were 'systems' in place to maintain some form of order. However, when there was a system, there were always 'revolutionaries' who broke the rules and strived to be beyond it. Hidan, in Kakuzu's opinion, was one of these people… but he had a different label for him and this strange ability that Kakuzu wanted to add to his arsenal: 'insufferably irritating'.

"Are we going to Lord Fujimi's manor today, or not?" The silver-haired one asked dryly.

"We are going there right now."

"Kakuzu." Hidan pointed at his cloak.

"What?"

"You've got some rice down your front." He brushed it away, annoyed that he had not noticed it sooner. "You can't go presenting yourself when you look a mess, now, can you?"

"The moment I find an isolated spot, I'm going to _kill_ you."

"I can't believe you're still saying that to me! Don't you remember how successful your last attempts were?" Although Kakuzu had not managed to kill his latest partner so far, it did not mean that he _could not_ be killed – the silver-eyed man just needed to be more creative and more determined in his endeavours. "Oh, by the way, this mission we're on has been taken by a few other mercenary groups in the area as well as some ninja from the Grass Country. It sounds like they weren't successful if we're here to take their place."

"Don't jump to conclusions; we'll find out if it _is_ the same mission or not once we speak with our employer."

"Hey, Kakuzu, I heard that this daimyo is trying to re-establish his connections with Iwagakure – isn't that bad for us if he does so? I mean, they'd come looking for us, wouldn't they?" Kakuzu gave his partner a noncommittal grunt for a reply… although the thought had crossed his mind. He would have questions for Zetsu the next time he made an appearance. They approached the same guardsmen as before and were acknowledged with a nod.

"Lord Fujimi is in residence now: you may proceed." The iron gate that had covered their route was flung aside, admitting them to the daimyo's presence.

"Hey! Now we're getting somewhere, Kakuzu!"

Back when he had not been an outlaw, the Waterfall-nin had taken a mission involving a man that protected himself beyond what any wealthy merchant would have deemed as 'necessary'. Yet, this old charge from _decades_ ago haunted his current proceedings. Already, there was something about Lord Fujimi Akiyama that seemed desperate… but was it just paranoia? Kakuzu had learnt that some methods, no matter how extreme, were sometimes warranted.

"Pssh! What a gaudy excuse for a home! Honestly, what's the point of it all? It doesn't look impressive in the least…" Kakuzu turned from his thoughts to reality, taking note that Hidan, on this point, was correct: golden statues mingled with green roof tiles and red pillars carved and painted with tumultuous clouds and calligraphy. The stones beneath their feet formed a green path that matched the colour of the roof. Bells hung from eaves, clattering without tune in the changeable winds. The mansion was impressively large, but the litter of ornamentations that had obviously been added over different generations would impress few but the peasants the daimyo ruled over. _And considering all the security we had to get through to get here, I'm surprised there's no one watching over the place itself._ He could not even sense any hidden presences. Could it be that this man's wealth stretched only far enough to give the illusion of strength? There was nothing else to do but to enter the gaping double-doors.

Kakuzu could feel Hidan's nose contort with disgust: had the outside been garish, the interior was a vulgar display of opulence: pearlescent pastel mosaics covered the floor, depicting an Earth Country legend of a battle between oni, humans and animals. Elaborate vases containing exotic plants stood to the side of each red pillar that supported the upper balcony and roof. Light somehow managed to pierce through the unnecessary number of screens surrounding them, giving the inner illumination a prevalently yellow tone. Flowing water could be heard in a distant courtyard. The stitched-man stood sideways and looked over at his Jashinist partner.

"Heh – now this was more of the welcome I was expecting." Hidan grinned back.

"Yeah." He lazily tilted his head to one side, gaining a moment of smug satisfaction as a kunai whizzed past his ear, through the screens and into the gardens beyond. "I've been waiting for this!" He grabbed at the ropes connecting to his scythe, swinging the weapon from his back and up into one of the pillars. The presence dodged, landing on the floor in time to receive one of Kakuzu's long-range punches. The attacker, wrapped completely in bandages and wearing only a pair of trousers, clambered onto one of the pillars and ran up its length. "Come back here, you bastard!" The silver-haired Akatsuki member pulled on his ropes, causing his weapon to break through the beam and come hurtling downwards. Their adversary formed a hand seal and passed through the weapon as if he was made of water. He flipped in mid-air, stretching out his dagger-clutching arms and falling closer to Hidan. The missing-nin twisted, avoiding the kicks and the blades that targeted his neck, all the while smirking at his enemy and increasing his irritation.

Kakuzu watched from the distance, knowing that he was unneeded by Hidan. Another projectile flew his way. He caught the kunai with his threads, a mere foot away from his head.

"You'll have to do better than that if you want to kill me," he growled, pummelling his fists into the nearest pillar. The foundations of the building trembled and groaned, shaking a second attacker from his hiding place and forcing him onto the mosaic floor.

"Hey, Kakuzu! I bet I can kill my opponent before you can kill yours, old man!"

"That's not something someone as slow as you should be saying, Hidan." Kakuzu ran at the second foe, bowing down as Hidan's scythe swished over his head. His threads shot out and wrapped around a foot, crawling up the leg, but were quickly cut away. Blood splattered against Kakuzu's back: he did not need to look to know it was not Hidan's.

"Hey, heathens! Watch and despair at the might of Lord Jashin!" The wicked-god's symbol began to form upon the floor whilst Kakuzu's own enemy proved to be of little hindrance: try as he might to escape, Kakuzu's numerous threads overwhelmed his strength and senses within the pulse of a heartbeat. His appendages squeezed, tightening with every abrupt gasp his victim made.

Hidan's face had darkened to his skeletal form, removing his pike from the garment's inside sleeve. The bandaged individual could see that an attack was coming and wisely moved out of range.

"Ha! Distance won't save you!" The voodoo doll stabbed through his right wrist, gritting teeth with pain and satisfaction as he rammed the object further and further through the bone: – the Jashinist took obvious pleasure from the elicited screams. "Tch! You're so noisy!" He placed the pointed steel against his neck. "How about I quieten you down?" Before the unfortunate could object, Hidan pierced his skin.

"That's enough!" For one of the attackers, the intervention came too late. Hidan slipped the pike from his neck, his target falling to the ground dead. Kakuzu released his grip but refused to let go entirely until he understood the situation. This new intruder was not a warrior, but a servant. His robes were grey and embellished with simple peonies and symbols of luck in blue stitching and the lines of his face spoke of the many generations he had served in this house. "You two seem capable of handling yourselves beyond the level of the average treasure-hunter who comes here. I am Banshijou, and my lord, Fujimi, awaits you. If you would please, follow me." He moved away and pulled opened the sliding doors to another hallway. Kakuzu released his prisoner: there was no longer a need for a living hostage or any form of interrogation. The survivor crumpled to the floor, writhing and twitching – gasping for air. Perhaps Kakuzu had done some permanent damage to him… but he was decidedly better off than his partner. His monochrome eyes shifted over to Hidan's ceremony: even though his prey was dead, his black and white markings remained.

"Hidan! We don't have time for one of your rituals!"

"My god comes first! You go find out about Daimyo Fujimi and all that money you so love: _I'm_ staying here!"

"Don't kill the other one," Kakuzu warned, moving off to follow Banshijou. Those violet eyes regarded him, mocking his existence.

"I'll do whatever my _Jashin-sama_ commands."

--End of Chapter 5--

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A/N: Opinions on the skirmish would be appreciated: it wasn't meant to be a big battle, but I hope that it meant something. 


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